Shitty Month

This has been a shitty month. First i have had 4 friends snap on me i cant take that shit anymore and then its over trivial shit that they don't even know about or even try to ask about. The 1st one thought i kicked him to the curb for my "new" friends who aren't so new and all I did was start hanging out more. We have talked now and things are a little better, but still that's some bullshit. Then the 2nd friend got mad cause he thought I was pretending to be sleep/or ignorning him for another friend or something but really I was studying and shortly after he called I went to sleep. Then friend #3 got upset cause she thought I was ignorning her and deleted her off of facebook...are u fuckin serious? And friend 4 said he didnt talk to me because he started dating this girl and he giving her all his time...so that's how we doing it now??? I'm tired! I have a lot of stuff on my mind I need a real vacation. I mean I took a trip with my kids for my birthday but I didn't get to get away from everybody and everything which is what I need. I need to be able to cry scream kick bite whatever to get these negative feelings off of me.

Right now I feel all alone. I know that I'm not really alone I have some family and friends that care about me but when I really think about things I see how it seems like none of them want to be around me, but I don't blame them who wants to be around someone who is always messing things up, someone who is negative, someone who is boring? I'd rather sleep than spend time with myself so how can I expect anyone else to want to spend time with me. Now lets not even get started on my relationship with God and my Christian walk...can you say COMPLETELY off track? :( I haven't had a real prayer with God in a long time. I don't even pray before I go to bed I say my grace before I eat sometimes and I try to make sure my kids say their prayers but other than that that's all I have been doing. I haven't been motivated for anything lately. So if anybody is out there keep me in your thoughts and prayers I need a friend!

thinking...

lately all i've been doing is thinking. thinking about love, thinking about the future thinking about school thinking about chores thinking about relationships (friends, family, etc) just thinking. and you know what i've realized life is an ongoing cycle of ups and downs. right now is a down for me so next must be an up! yay!!! maybe my up will be a good relationship or great grades i dunno we'll see TT4N!