Idol and Busy Minds are the Devil's Playground

So today I did so much and so little. I cleaned around the house cut my son's hair did a pretty good job if i must say so myself, and did my daughter's hair, which is a 1-2 hr task. All in all I feel accomplished, with the household activities. It is my maturity or lack of it that makes me feel like I did nothing at all today. They say and idol mind is the devil's playground but even with my busy day my mind still found room for the devil to "play." My kids' father is someone that makes me feel and act very crazy. Today I was being overprotective. He was nice to them and me too, but I can't shake the feelings from the past. Every time I have let my guard down before as soon as I trust him he does something else to hurt me or them. I don't EVER want to have that happen again. I love myself and my children too much for that.

He asked what school our son goes to, and I just froze. I couldn't tell him because what if I did and once again his family and him act a fool for no reason. I'm sure all of my readers out there disagree with me, but you don't know what I have been through, and it would take a day to tell you. (and that's just the part about him, no one else)

So now reflecting on the 3 hrs they spent with him I am beginning to wonder...is it me that needs to grow up? Or am I just being cautious? Have I crossed the line of protection into obsessive? I dunno but I pray for peace as I sleep tonight because there is so much on my mind, I dare not even talk about my "jealous curiosity"...TT4N

Why the name?

If you are wondering about the name, Wounded Butterfly...I got it from a nickname given to me by an ex. He used to call me butterfly and right now this butterfly sure doesn't feel she can fly. I feel trapped in the here and now.

I've always been a big dreamer but situations and circumstances have kept me from being able to pursue what I thought was most important in life.

Now I am beginning to get new dreams and hopes, kinda scared though, because it seems every time I do I get shot right back down to reality.

One day I want to: get married, travel, own a big house designed the way I dream it (nothing used), have children (I already have 2 I love very much but I want more), be on Oprah (I want to be famous, not too famous though), write a book, be rich (or at least wealthy), and to own a library.
I sure hope that by wishing for these very things I am not ruining my chances of having them to come true.

I started this blog because I figured, there are so many movies with people blogging and expressing themselves why shouldn't I...

So here I am typing away when I have chores and I need to get rest. I hope this blog finds a happy reader and keeps you company during a lonely moment. If there is anyone out there reading this just know, I am in my bed (alone) and just want/need a friend. My friend's grandma died last Sunday and he is so detached lately. I don't know how to take it, I have lost my grandma too, but I was younger and reacted very differently. Now years later without a grandpa, grandma, mom, some aunts and uncles, I just feel wounded. How much pain can a person or in my case a "butterfly" endure before not being able to ever fly again? I need something to renew my dreams, ignite my passions, and help me take flight once again...TT4N! (ta-ta 4 now!)

Where to begin...

So I know so much and so little about computers. I know how to turn a computer on, I know how to get around on one I also know how to troubleshoot basic problems. However if I were to get a virus or something tragic happens without an instruction manual, and Google doesn't have the answer, then I'm lost. This is how it is with the real world. Growing up all you hear is that when you get older you are gonna have to be in the real world, but what exactly does this mean? Aren't I living in the same world as you? But now after years of many disappointments, curiosities, and adventures I think I am beginning to understand all to well what was meant. So how do I make it in this real world that is so much unlike the world/future I have dreamed of for so long...

WARNING:
This blog may be offensive to some and I apologize. I am just speaking my mind, pondering over things I've heard/seen/learned/or even experienced.