Pretending...

So I have been pretending for so long that I don't care if I'm alone I'm actually beginning to believe it. The only thing that reminds me otherwise is the constant pain I feel when I see EVERYONE I know either married or engaged or at least in some sort of relationship! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT NOONE WANTS TO BE WITH ME??? Am I not smart enough, or possibly too smart? Am I not strong enough, or too independent? It can't be because I have children I see other people with children get married and stuff. I just want someone to love me for me is that too much to ask. I have had my heart set on this one guy for over 5 years now and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Now, don't get me wrong just because I have been thinking and hoping for him doesn't mean that I don't look at other guys I have dated and even hoped about other guys. All for all of them to backfire on me. I am STILL single after 5 years of hoping someone would be willing to deal with me I guess its just me. I guess I'm not relationship or marriage material...well eff it!!! I'm sick of pretending since noone wants me I will be content with being alone and when I'm rich if I'm still single I'm not taking a relationship with anyone because I don't want someone that doesn't know or love the real me faults and all. And trust one day I will be rich, just wait and see!